Signs of Advanced Mommyhood
and Other Funnies!
THE SIGNS OF ADVANCED MOMMYHOOD
Maybe it starts when you realize rock concerts give you
a headache. Or that you're offering to cut up other peoples
food. Or you catch yourself ending a discussion with,
"Because I'm a mother, that's why."
You've reached a new level of motherhood. All the
warning signs are there. You know you've crossed the
threshold into advanced mommydom when:
- You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to
make sure they're equal.
- You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke
your son's favorite toy car and made him cry.
- You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
- You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
- Your child throws up and you catch it. (I've actually DONE this one!)
- Someone else's kid throws up at a party and you
- You consider finger paint to be a controlled
- You've mastered the art of placing large quantities
of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything
- Your child insists that you read "Once upon a potty" out loud
in the lobby of Grand Central Terminal, and you do it.
- You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons;
your child bites toast into the shape of a gun.
- You hope ketchup is vegetable because it's the only
one your child eats.
- You convince you child that FAO Schwarz is a toy museum,
not a toy store.
- You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend. (...or as in my case, your daughter's first boyfriend, which I am managing to survive quite nicely, if I do say so myself!)
- You hate the thought of his wife even more. (...now when it gets to husband time, I may not do so well.)
- You find yourself cutting your husbands sandwiches into
unusual shapes. (I did butterfly sandwiches to get my girls to eat!)
- You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter
shoots Bambi's mother.
- You become a member of three aquariums because
your kids love sharks.
- You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then obsess
when he skips in without looking back the second time.
- You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.
- You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth
when you say, "Not in your good clothes."
- You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
- You lose sleep.
- You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
- You read that the average 5 year-old asks 437
questions a day and feel proud that your kid is
- You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with
your husband in ages, then spend half the night
checking on the kids.
- You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this
job," but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything.
My thanx go to Terry & Gerri Costello for sending this to me a couple of months back. I don't know where they got it. My additions are in parentheses, and this last one...
- You read cute lists like this and have to include them on your web page! Now that's a terminal case of mommyhood, if you ask me!
- All About Love from the Mouths of Babes
- Queenie sent me the cutes list of those darnedest things that kids say! It had to go here!
- Mommy-nitions, Observations & Letters to God
- Here are two sets of definitions that only parents will truly appreciate, a list of parental observations, and the cutest children's letters to God.
This page was last updated on February 9, 1998.