THE SIGNS OF ADVANCED MOMMYHOOD

Maybe it starts when you realize rock concerts give you a headache. Or that you're offering to cut up other peoples food. Or you catch yourself ending a discussion with, "Because I'm a mother, that's why."

You've reached a new level of motherhood. All the warning signs are there. You know you've crossed the threshold into advanced mommydom when:

• You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.

• You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your son's favorite toy car and made him cry.

• You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

• You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

• Your child throws up and you catch it. (I've actually DONE this one!)

• Someone else's kid throws up at a party and you keep eating.

• You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.

• You've mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.

• Your child insists that you read "Once upon a potty" out loud in the lobby of Grand Central Terminal, and you do it.

• You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child bites toast into the shape of a gun.

• You hope ketchup is vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.

• You convince you child that FAO Schwarz is a toy museum, not a toy store.

• You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend. (...or as in my case, your daughter's first boyfriend, which I am managing to survive quite nicely, if I do say so myself!)

• You hate the thought of his wife even more. (...now when it gets to husband time, I may not do so well.)

• You find yourself cutting your husbands sandwiches into unusual shapes. (I did butterfly sandwiches to get my girls to eat!)

• You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.

• You become a member of three aquariums because your kids love sharks.

• You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then obsess when he skips in without looking back the second time.

• You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.

• You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes."

• You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

• You lose sleep.

• You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.

• You read that the average 5 year-old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is "above averge".

• You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.

• You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job," but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything.

My thanx go to Terry & Gerri Costello for sending this to me a couple of months back. I don't know where they got it. My additions are in parentheses, and this last one...

• You read cute lists like this and have to include them on your web page! Now that's a terminal case of mommyhood, if you ask me!

Other Funnies!

All About Love from the Mouths of Babes

Queenie sent me the cutes list of those darnedest things that kids say! It had to go here!

Mommy-nitions, Observations & Letters to God

Here are two sets of definitions that only parents will truly appreciate, a list of parental observations, and the cutest children's letters to God.